独一无二, 无尽的爱

Yesterday, I was chatting online with a Chinese friend of mine. She mentioned along the way that her husband proposed after only 10 days since their first meeting!! I was really surprised. Although she is cute and was likely to have been a real catch, that was a really short dating period. She had told me before that she had not known her husband for long before he proposed, but not once did I think it was THAT quick.

After asking her more, I got to know that her husband and her were (still are) colleagues, and that it was not love at first sight, but rather that he got to know her heart, her character, and her simple lifestyle. And that’s when he really fell for her. As for her, she first thought he was too good looking for her, then gradually realised he was mature, intelligent, very skilled (no, not in that sense, you perv), etc…. and that he would be a good partner.

Well, you may say that’s it’s not an unusual event, that these things do happen. Well, they don’t really, not for Chinese. Normally, there is a quite lengthy time spent together (incl. maybe living together if they’re not too traditional and living in another town) before the guy proposes.

A Shanghainese girl told me that foreigners feel like they’re marrying the family, not just the girl, when proposing to a Chinese girl. Well, it’s true that in many Western countries, the girl’s pretty much an independent person who acts according to her wishes/whims. But in China, family approval is very much the key to getting hitched.

Anyway, the initial Chinese friend says that her parents didn’t approve of her husband, just as they didn’t approve of her previous boyfriends. What this guy did to win over the parents is really something. He decided on his own to go and live under the girl’s parents’ roof for as long as necessary for them to get to know and approve of him, and be open to any examination or test that they would set upon him. (Note: It took him some six months)

Well, we all know that the in-laws can be hell if they want. I haven’t asked my friend how difficult her parents made it for him, but I found myself wondering if I would be able to stand that kind of scrutiny. Six months bearing all the small/snide remarks, trying to prove you are good enough, not feel down/desperate, …. It must have been a tough time to go through. I can only take my hat off to him.

I am sure many girls reading this would think “ah, such a nice love story, it’s just like a fairytale.” Well, sure it is like a fairy tale. Know someone for a short period, get asked for marriage, the guy overcome parents’ disapproval to earn the girl’s hand…. It’s the kind of mushy stuff kids are fed since childhood via storybooks and Disney/Hollywood films, and that gives girls false expectations.

We often think that, ok, if I marry X, we can sort it out by ourselves, without the help of the parents. The little (or not so little) mistakes we make along the way would make us better, stronger and closer. But this…. I don’t know if I could have supported this tension. I mean, it’s not like you go to your in-laws for a couple of hours, bear it with a fake big grin, then go back home hoping not to have to meet them for a long time. It’s being with them hours a day, every single day. A continuous battle to win over two people (apparently) set against you.

Does it mean my love is not strong enough? That I don’t have enough patience? Or lack confidence? I would probably have to go through the daunting step of proposing in the not too far future. How will I fare? That’s the question. I can just hope that they won’t find me a poor decision made by their daughter and won’t have to go through any trial.