独一无二, 无尽的爱

Taken shamelessly from Good Morning China!

BEIJING TRAFFIC: as American Football
To help you understand Beijing traffic, and perhaps to one day navigate its hazards, I’ve come up with the following analogy. I hope you find it helpful.

BEIJING TRAFFIC: as American Football

Traffic lights: BAD QUARTERBACK

In Beijing, a traffic light is like a quarterback- an extremely bad one. It’s so bad, none of the players listen to it. If they don’t get what they want.. they’ll just audible audibly and bullrush the intersection. Because of this lack of respect for Mr. QB, you find yourself in an interesting predicament.

You: RUNNING BACK

As soon as the quarterback huts and the light turns green, you might as well find some holes in the defense and go for the endzone. Here’s what you’re up against:

Buses: DEFENSIVE LINEMEN

Slow to accelerate and overweight, you can usually navigate around these guys pretty easily. They’re mainly dangerous because they can block you from seeing over the line of scrimmage, sometimes allowing a strong safety to sneak up on you.

Cars: BAD CORNERBACKS

Nimble, but usually polite, a car will usually cede if you walk in front of it. Bad tacklers. Unfortunately, they can be easily confused with…

Taxis: STRONG SAFETY

These are the guys you have to really look out for- they can really lay the smack down. Quick to accelerate and extremely aggressive, they will stop at nothing to “invent” lanes to tackle you. Beijing taxis make Rodney Harrison look like Michelle Kwan. Naturally, they love to talk trash, and honk frequently.

That’s it for the defense- let’s look at what’s protecting you from this monstrosity.

Other pedestrians: OFFENSIVE LINE

Strength in numbers, but I can’t tell if these guys are for or against you. On the one hand, if you can get sandwiched between a group of 5 or 6, you’re usually good. On the other hand, if you’re only with 1 or 2, they can be very hesitant. This might be because they perceive themselves as running backs and you as their offensive line. Luckily, there’s one last offensive player, and it’s the best.

Bikes: FULLBACK

Hands down, your biggest asset. These guys are big, bad, and have been in the league for years. I mean it takes balls just to WALK in Beijing… to bike here is Chuck Norris ballsy. So, if you can walk quickly with a bike protecting you from those nasty strong safeties, you’re all set. Touchdown.